April 10 2014, 8pm


White people don’t give a shit about racism unless they think it’s about them


February 2 2014, 2pm


readabookson:

Behind the Mask of the Strong Black Woman: Voice and the Embodiment of a Costly Performance

https://anonfiles.com/file/d7110f7184de4e140502d895b0c52c05

Black Beauty: Aesthetics, Stylization, Politics

https://anonfiles.com/file/7f8c91ea8c9653f77e8e70b22a5c4891

Getting Played: African American Girls, Urban Inequality, and Gendered Violence

https://anonfiles.com/file/dff26eed98ed82920e607ae93059ba62

Clinging to Mammy: The Faithful Slave in Twentieth-Century America

https://anonfiles.com/file/6d42ade347ef2b78ee013940ff985288

Ain’t I a Beauty Queen?: Black Women, Beauty, and the Politics of Race

https://anonfiles.com/file/b5e59005660d85e2fd2c95157f067b7b

Naked: Black Women Bare All About Their Skin, Hair, Hips, Lips, and Other Parts

https://anonfiles.com/file/c443f950d2073f412e5239d0b0962ccf

Black Women in the Ivory Tower, 1850-1954: An Intellectual History

https://anonfiles.com/file/87e15f7d380ae29722f1d882ca83d9bc

The Black Woman: An Anthology

https://anonfiles.com/file/3a5c3d6e64b54397ca74acc52555f949

Between Good and Ghetto: African American Girls and Inner-City Violence

https://anonfiles.com/file/d62518af559b091eb1e9682d0283f619

The Games Black Girls Play: Learning the Ropes From Double-Dutch to Hip-Hop

https://anonfiles.com/file/f912516ab9f1f248431cf1700ea539cc


January 26 2014, 9pm


sourcedumal:

talesofthestarshipregeneration:

ai-yo:

sugahwaatah:

daniellemertina:

misterdelfuego:

relisaxoxox:

Best one by far

Oh look, respectability politics.

no y’all just ruining one of my new favorite catch phrases. i don’t know if you’re familiar with any actual college students but many of them party. 

seriously! some of the same people in the top pic could be in the bottom. most people in the bottom pic are probably in university or finished with it

this is just stupid.people have graduation parties

Fuck you op and fuck you whoever made that shit. 

Remember yall. Partying is banned for the Negroes. We must never party and be ankhtified in the name of Jesus and that is the only way that we will ever be respected by the white man…

sourcedumal:

talesofthestarshipregeneration:

ai-yo:

sugahwaatah:

daniellemertina:

misterdelfuego:

relisaxoxox:

Best one by far

Oh look, respectability politics.

no y’all just ruining one of my new favorite catch phrases. i don’t know if you’re familiar with any actual college students but many of them party. 

seriously! some of the same people in the top pic could be in the bottom. most people in the bottom pic are probably in university or finished with it

this is just stupid.

people have graduation parties

Fuck you op and fuck you whoever made that shit. 

Remember yall. Partying is banned for the Negroes. We must never party and be ankhtified in the name of Jesus and that is the only way that we will ever be respected by the white man…

(Source: donslapahoe)


January 24 2014, 4pm



New Aberrant and Eren im so terrified by this omg

New Aberrant and Eren im so terrified by this omg

(Source: cat-wasnt-here)


January 24 2014, 3pm


fyeahcap:

madamethursday:

[Image: Two photos of a dark skinned person’s back. The first shows a green shirt and jeans, both wet and covered with bits of egg shells. The second shows the shirt raised to reveal indentations and bruising on the skin of the person’s back]

kinkyturtle:

afunnyfeminist:

private-revolution:

dumbthingswhitepplsay:

numberonehoffbunny:

widdershinsgirl:

bevin:

Tonight I was hit with a hand full of eggs and huge rock on my back and called “Nigger” by a white guy in the backseat of a dark blue truck as I was riding my bike on Westheimer and Jeanetta. They drove too fast for me to get the license plate number. I had to get a cop to drive me home. This night makes me wonder how blacks did it back in the day, and why the community is looking the way it is now. I am trying not to cry, but I am in physical pain from the rock and not understanding why I deserved this.

uugh

Reblogging because solidarity.

You don’t know me, but I got your back, any day, any hour, any minute. 

I once saw a large truck full of african american males switch lanes, come towards where I was standing on the curb in the rain and purposefully go REALLY fast to hit a large puddle to make it splash me, then saw them roll down the windows and point at me as they laughed. 

I am a single white female. I hate to bring race or anything into this and I am sure white people are just as much as ass holes but racism of any kind HAS GOT TO STOP it’s not okay no matter what race you are to hate on any other races! I have been targeted SO MANY times because I am white and female, mostly by men either white OR black doesn’t matter. 

I remember once I was in a long line at McDonalds, I would have been next to be served when another lane opened up and the clerk motioned to me to step over to be served. I moved, HUGE black guy who just walked in the store (I saw him enter cause of the position of the doors) Tried to shove me away so he could get helped first. I might have made a face but I know I said, “I have been waiting I was next” he said, “I was clearly here first.” I said, “No you just came in I’ve been waiting in that line.” He gets REALLY uppity and starts shouting, “WELL WHEN YOU’RE WHITE YOU’RE RIGHT” and starts throwing this huge fit. 

The cashier (she was black) tells the man that he’s being immature and that she clearly saw I was next and motioned for me to come over, that bringing race into this was not an issue. The guy would just not shut up about me being a white princess and spoiled, when dude I was at the same McDonalds he was in the same bad part of town where I always hung out cause clearly princesses eat at McDonalds in Downtown cleveland. Anyway he had to be removed claiming racial discrimination when even the other people of his race were looking at him like he was a total idiot. 

Like I said this has to stop, so I reblogged to share your story as well. 

the only thing that needs to stop in this particular conversation is YOU whitey-o

Bitch how did this become about you getting your sammich late? GET THE FUCK OUT!

Only in White Supremacist America can getting splashed and being cut in line can be compared to getting pelted with rocks and called a racist slur.

Did that deraling bitch really just use the word “uppity”?! Are you fucking kidding me right now? Does this person really not realize what they are saying? like…NO, you getting splashed with water and cut in line IS NOT THE FUCKING SAME AS HAVING EGGS, ROCKS AND RACIAL SLURS THROWN AT YOU, WOW, YOU NEED TO STOP AND GO SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

And like, it is never, ever okay to use the word uppity when you’re referring to Black people, like, seriously, can you like, read a book or learn a thing or two about racism, dear god. 

Read the bolded. Don’t derail this. If you’re white, don’t make it about you. Just send love and support this person’s way, reblog to get the story out, and listen. 

My love, support, and good energy are going out to this person for having to go through something this horrible. You don’t know me, bevin, but if there’s anything I can do, anything you need, my inbox is open. You name it, it’s done. 

lol.

having rocks and eggs and racial slurs is a racist act.

getting splashed and being cut in line is a sign of a dick, not a racist.

image

(Source: theroyalbadness)


January 20 2014, 11am


thegoddamazon:

nofaddano:

thisshitfunny:

wontongod:

ppl think everything is trill now because of asap rocky

asap rocky got ppl walkin around in public like this

image

this is stupid

Nigga look like a spell book

Full Ghetto Alchemist

LMFAOOOOOO


January 16 2014, 8pm


williamevanswrites:

Hanif Abdurraqib & William Evans’ inaugural “I can / cannot fux wit dis” for the coming year.  Posted a couple of weeks late.  Cats is busy actin busy.
Hanif:

First off, let me say that the only reason I’m currently writing this right now is because it’s impossible to find a Playstation 4 in these streets. I’d have an easier time finding an Ani DiFranco fan who has a black friend as of 9:15 EST on this very evening. I’d have an easier time diving headfirst into Black Twitter with some Beyonce jokes. Shit is awful. Dude at GameStop looked at me like I walked up on his main squeeze at a segregated dance in the 50’s. I literally thought he was going to come around the counter and demand my fade before I got to the second syllable in the question. Gave me that “fuck outta here and go get you some limeade, dawg.” face. 

And so, here I am. On Ebay, trying to hustle up a gaming console, because my 80’s high school movie villain who somehow got a job at Gamestop told me that them joints aren’t getting back in stock until mid January, which hurt my soul in a way that I’ve only ever felt before when New Edition broke up.

Anyway, five things that I find myself looking forward to next year…


1.) A Vastly Improved, And More Tolerant Hip-Hop Climate.

I get it that people want to punch Macklemore in the face. There are things that are subjective, and then there’s just some real-ass facts. And maybe the realest of facts is that Macklemore has an incredibly punchable face.



But, that aside, I tend to think his biggest crime is just being relentlessly boring. In doing so, however, he opens up an interesting conversation about what the hell straight white dudes are supposed to rap about in order to obtain mainstream success if not murdering ex-girlfriends, taking as many drugs as possible, and committing hate crimes, even at age 40? The thing to remember, at least for me, is that hip-hop is, right now, more diverse than ever. IF we can ignore the horrible homophobia that still resides at the core of the genre. I think Kendrick wins an album of the year Grammy, and that is the bucket of water on the face for a lot of artists. I think Drake, who clearly currently thinks he’s actually from Memphis, stops singing. In an exchange, Chris Brown stops rapping (AND singing, maybe, but the Gods aren’t that kind.), Kanye West talks much, much, much less, and I think, potentially, we get a rapper from the LGBT community breaking big on the radio, with music so good that it HAS to get played on radio. That’s a lofty thing, I think. But I believe. 


2.) Black Twitter Lets Me Get A Seat Back At The Table, After A Somewhat Tumultuous 2013.
 
So it is possible that I got a little too reckless after Beyonce’s super bowl performance and went on a Twitter rant that was fairly unfavorable to Destiny’s Child, at best. And, after that, it is ALSO possible that I made some disparaging comments about the television show Scandal, starring one Kerry Washington, who has acting ability I was also unkind to. ALSO, Merely a month later, I may have served up a buffet-style slander meal directed entirely at that made for TV Temptations movie. Next thing I know, with the exception of a select few, my followers were out here looking like the front row of a Justin Timberlake concert (A concert I would gladly attend, mind you.) It didn’t help that in a complete lapse of judgement fueled by a Pawn Stars marathon, I defended Keri Hilson in the midst of the wolves tearing into what was left of her career. So, here I am. A man without a country. A tweeter, exiled by his own.



But things are looking up. I threw Beyonce on my 25 Best Albums of 2013 list. I stopped tweeting about Anne Hathaway. I think we’re healing. It’s a slow process. There’s a lot of unpacking to do.


3.) Game Of Thrones, The Newsroom.
 
GoT is, really, pretty obvious. What can I say about GoT that hasn’t been said about Anne Hathaway by me on Twitter? 

Newsroom, however, is a surprise here. I think Breaking Bad left a void. Last episode of Breaking Bad had me holding the TV and crying in a corner while rocking back and forth, wondering what was next. For like three weeks after, I was just wandering into people’s homes, at 9PM, asking them to tell me enticing stories about the drug underworld. To get through this, I gave myself over, skeptically, to The Newsroom. Season 2, though it failed in the first two episodes, REALLY went on a run of fantastic (and largely ignored) television from episodes 2-8. It left me excited for the prospect of a season 3, while also being extremely aware of the fact that Aaron Sorkin STAY wetting the bed once he gets past two seasons, because the shit happens so rarely for him. Sometimes, when Laura and I let the dog out, she chases after a squirrel. Comes close to catching one, every now and then. I ask, sometimes, “Hey, what would happen if she caught one of those squirrels?” And Laura always just says, “I don’t think she knows. She would just hold it. Maybe look at it. And then get bored and throw it down somewhere.”

So, in case I need to spell it out, that’s pretty much how Aaron Sorkin treats his television shows after season 2. He’s the guy who never EXPECTS to get past two seasons. And when he does, he ends up looking like every player on the court when the Lakers need a game winning shot. 

Terrified.


4.) Poems By People I Like
 
The last two are slightly more personal to me, but I think most of the things I look forward to tend to directly reflect how I can celebrate them. I’m excited to read the stuff coming from Hieu, Danez, Sam Sax, Nate Marshall, Franny, Etc. Etc. Etc. I also hear you may be close to completion on a manuscript, so, you know. I hear you write good things when you’re not mercilessly making good humor out of the misfortune of the world. All you need now is to convince Omar to get something going, while he’s motivated. Even if it’s just a book of poems about how much we are all so,so disappointed in J. Cole. Omar gotta release a book to the streets like Beyonce released that album. No promotion, just do that shit overnight, and do a visual video for each poem, except for maybe poems about dick pics, because youtube has content restrictions. I get excited when the people around me who I consider my direct peers/influences are excited about what they are putting out. So, in a way, we’re all pushing each other. Should be exciting.


5.) Oh, Yeah. I’m Getting Married.

At least if Lord is willing and the creek don’t rise. And by “creek don’t rise”, I mean “Laura don’t realize how bad of a situation she’s in once the post-PS4 era begins”. I’m not just including this here because Laura will likely read this, and read it while wondering why I haven’t unpacked my clothes from our roadtrip yet, and then say something like, “You had time to write Will all of these emails, but you got seven sweatshirts lining the gotdamn couch”, which I will have no response for, of course. Because it’s extremely true. I ain’t unpacked shit. May not have anything unpacked by the time other people read this. May just be living out my suitcase. May still have every pair of kicks I own sitting at the top of the steps like we don’t got a whole few flights of those things that a body could easily tumble down. Who knows. But even if I SOMEHOW manage to do all of those things, there is still a person who is like, “well…you’re still worth living with until we die.” Also, after signing on Scott Woods to officiate the wedding in southeast Ohio, I am overwhelmed with excitement. And also fear. And also joy. And also clothing and shoes spilling out of a suitcase and spreading all over our apartment floor. So, I should take care of that. 



William:


The good thing about getting a PS4 on launch night was getting a PS4.  The bad thing was listening to bad outtakes from a rejected comic-con panel where a cat wanted to justify the $15,000 his parents dropped on film school so he could say he met someone that met George RR Martin.  Once.  At like, a CVS.  Then again, my PS4 gets a lot more run then the $500 printer stand that is my Xbox One right now, so at least there’s that.  Beyond my daughter learning to say, “Xbox Go to Hell” through the voice commands, its been a little frustrating.  I say that to say, you’re on the right track as long as you show up to your craiglist seller with snacks and a copy of Dance of Dragons to barter with.

So, here’s the 5 things I fux wit in 2014.

1) Black Twitter The Franchise

You already mentioned it, so I’ll just roll with it.  Black Twitter is GAWD right now.  Judge, jury and social reputation executioner.  When it delivered the fade to Ani DiFranco, I knew Black Twitter wasn’t fuckin around.  There’s a legion of queer black girls under 30 that pressed send on a tweet about Ani of the Big House with real tears in their eyes. I mean, till it acknowledges that Beyonce is probably more a capitalist than anything else, then it hasn’t quite reached the Keyser Soze killing his own family level, but its a start.  Still, this is what activism looks like in 2014, from a smart phone while watching Youtube videos with the word ratchet in the title.  

2) Janelle Monae Rules the World

Look, if you told me that Janelle Monae was releasing a triple album with the ghost of Marley, I’d be like, “Aiight.”  If you told me she was going to play Robin in the new Superman / Batman flick and in said flick, she wasn’t rockin a traditional Robin costume but rather a costume based off the concept art from the ArchAndroid album cover, I’d be like, “Aiight.”  She can’t really do wrong for me right now.  Look, I know Black Twitter ain’t trying to hear this, but if listening to Janelle doesn’t make you realize that Beyonce is a symbol and icon, but Janelle’s music will be the one who’s sound stands for the next 20 years, then we need to start back at square one.  Because of her, I don’t really have to wonder what Erykah Badu was gonna do in this hallowed +10 years in the the soul / R&B game that some singers just don’t come back from because Janelle bout to be center stage anyway.  

3) Black people in roles because black people actually exist in the world, not because this role needs a black person

So, this may shock some, but let me make an admission:  I don’t hate Scandal.  Or rather, I don’t hate that Scandal exists.  Lets be clear, I ain’t fuckin with the viewing experience that is Scandal, I don’t do soap operas and over the top network melodrama like that anyway, especially when it is the new millennial Sally Hemmings where even the most powerful black woman in the nation is a side chick for the white president narrative, but I digress.  



Though I have plenty of fun at its expense, I do value that the show exists, especially because Black Women don’t get starring roles on big time TV shows, like, since ever.   This many black people haven’t watched network television since before Bill Cosby hated their existence and was putting up grocery bags to hide Phylicia Rashad’s pregnancy.  Now, network ain’t really my brand of of vodka, but this is actually a good thing.  Idris Elba is wanted for every popular male role that exists (even odds he’s the next Bond), Chiwetel had to play a slave for the world to recognize how insanely talented the brother is, but he’s now in the upper echelon of actors where we’ll see him in some more prominent roles.  Seriously, if I have to go another 5 years where Will Smith and Blair Underwood get all the mainstream roles in Movies and TV, I will hang myself with a belt and record it on a Spike Lee moving platform before uploading it to YouTube.

4)  Great TV to start the Year (Breaking Bad Spoilers)

Look, I’m a TV snob.  It is known Khaleesi.  Don’t bring your -ocre of Medi- in my direction when it comes to TV.  Having said that, the following shows either debut or come back in ‘14:  Justified, True Detective, Archer, Game of Thrones, The Americans, Community, Banshee, Parks and Rec, Shameless, Sherlock, House of Cards, Walking Dead, Hannibal and Orphan Black…and that’s just through April.  That’s the 2010-11 NBA Playoffs right there.  And if anyone is like, “Oh, I think Will forgot to mention ‘Girls’”…I didn’t.  But anyways, TV ain’t fuckin around this upcoming year.  Breaking Bad ruined some shit for people.  And everybody knows that.  We’ve seen this scenario play out in a dozen crime films before, where the undisputed leader is killed or retires and all at once, the underlings realized there’s a perfectly shiny throne with no one’s ass in it, just sitting there for the taking.  Well, its empty because Walter White got gut shot and bled out between about a million dollars worth of meth making supplies.  



Yeah, spoiler alert in retrospect.  And with half of these shows at their mid point, everybody knows that Breaking Bad had probably the best overall ending to a TV show ever.  Something about pressure and pipes or some shit fits here.  Cats can’t afford filler anymore and be considered great.  Vince Gilligan came by and spit in everyone’s salad on his way out the door, so I think everyone is gonna be on their A game this year.  

5)  This Fatherhood…shit

Here’s my personal one.  Amira is a Beast.  In the most flattering way I can say that about my daughter.  This woman, yes, told me the other day, “Daddy, I want to go to space so I have room to grow.”  She was talking about our basement.  She was also just born the same year that Prince William and Kate got married.  Metaphors, b?!?!  We already on metaphors?  I’ve said this many times, but it bears repeating: whenever I tell people how smart she is, its real flattering for people to answer back, well “Look at her parents” and that’s all gumdrops and shit, but no matter how smart you are, it doesn’t prepare you for raising a really smart child.  The learning curve is cut in half.  After refusing to take her outside in the cold, I caught Amira Hawkings putting on her shoes, coat, hat and scarf by the door 20 minutes later…with my car keys.  And we’re not blameless in all this.  We often just throw random phrases and clauses at her to see what sticks.  When Leah said “…until his bubble gets popped…” from a random conversation and Amira yells out “Pop and Lock!” before basically auditioning as a backup dancer in our living room, I knew we had gone too far.

So we started positive, but as always, there’s some shade to be had.  List of things that might get delivered the Fade in 2014?


Hanif:

Things that can be shown the door in 2014? This actually seems like it should be easy, but it wasn’t, because, to be frank, I DISLIKE SO MANY THINGS. And so many of those things were on display last year, mostly within the same week, sometimes within the same day. But I’ll try to limit myself here.

1.) Explaining Why Things Are Racist/Sexist/Etc. Etc. Etc.
 
I know this is an obvious steal, but that’s what you get when you let me go first on this shit. Same mistake made my many a rapper who gets bodied on their own track. But that’s alright, even Jay-Z has gotten washed a few good times by lesser peers. ANYWAY. Listen. People need to just stop doing it. I stopped in about June, and it has been freeing. Entirely freeing. I feel like I just finished a run outside on a 70 degree day. I feel like Kobe after Shaq left. I feel like Lauryn Hill at the end of Sister Act 2. ALL THE TIME. Why would my fellow people NOT want to feel like that? Why would people rather be out here in facebook comment threads posting links to Melissa Harris Perry thinkpieces to people who have no interest in actually educating themselves, as long as they can be told they aren’t “wrong”.? Why would my people want to have to think up new and creative/fresh answers to “But if you don’t explain this, how will I ever learn?” when they can be watching this fly-ass panda cam instead?

I don’t know. Y’all explain why Phil Robertson saying “I’m with the blacks because we’re white trash” is problematic if you want, but there’s too much simply limeade in this world. Too many brownies with all kinda wild ingredients these days. Too many different things to take a selfie in front of, at least in my world. I be moonwalking out of conversations on the daily. Sometimes even ones that I start. I may start a conversation, and clock out after the first comment on some “oh, if you need me I’ll be over here sleep” shit. Sometimes, as a person, you just gotta make choices.

2.) People Who Have No Understanding Of Freedom Of Speech.

I don’t understand it. At this point, I am genuinely and wildly confused by it. Here’s a serious thing. I knew that, even with my beliefs, and the faith I hold, the church was losing me a couple of years ago when people poured out from every corner of the U.S. to throw money at Chick-Fil-A in the name of “freedom of speech”. Here’s what I would have liked. I would have liked those people to say “Listen, we don’t want gays to get married, and this is how we’re protesting it.” If you want to pick and choose injustices to stand up for, fine. But if you can’t understand that when the bigots you ride for get backlash, it has nothing to do with people violating their freedom of speech, you gotta have an entire stadium’s worth of seats. You know why I don’t walk up in my boss’ office and recite the lyrics from “Straight Outta Compton”, verbatim?? It’s not because I can’t. I’m entirely free to. I could get up and do that right this very second if I didn’t love my job and having money to pay for things and the potential to be employed in the future. I don’t feel oppressed because I can’t unleash a string of obscenities at people in my workplace. I know that’s wild, but that is not an oppression I understand. I wonder if when this whole thing was drawn up, people thought that it would be THIS confusing, hundreds of years down the road. If they were like, “Nah, man, we should really maybe put the important stuff about this in bold so that we can cut down on arguments in comment sections in 2013” but then thought better of it. That has to be the case. That’s all I’ll believe. 

3.) Kanye West Doing Anything But Making Music That Doesn’t Suck, R. Kelly Doing Anything At All.
 
On Jay-Z’s birthday, every year, I watch the “Fade To Black” documentary. The doc about the recording of The Black Album. And there’s a clip with a VERY young Kanye West working on the beat to “Lucifer”, and I swear to Gawd it gets more heartbreaking every year. I hope people don’t one day look at old videos of me doing something I love and wonder, “Gotdamn…what happened to THAT guy???” Because the older me is just wearing all black and eating quinoa with my bare hands in some studio apartment in new york where I haven’t written a good poem in years. I want people to take this in. Kanye West sat in a radio station and screamed “YOU AIN’T GOT THE ANSWERS” at the top of his lungs. Repeatedly. This after shouting that he was Shakespeare, and then, randomly, “GOOGLE”. And, of course, we got 150,000 blog posts about the tortured black talent wanting a seat at the table, like that shit is new. Like Little Richard and Chuck Berry will ever get as much credit as the Stones, Beatles, Elvis, etc. Like we’re having discussions about how Motown revolutionized music production. Like Michael Jackson’s place in music history isn’t more spectacle than historical titan. (Seriously, next person you talk to from our generation, who MAY be a casual music fan. Ask them to name more than three songs off of Thriller.)

So, I get why Kanye West reacts to seeing this happen again with a kind of urgency. With a kind of “this can’t happen to ME!”, and I don’t think he’s crazy for doing that. I think he’s ridiculous because, regardless of what critics say,Yeezus sounded awful. That shit is depressing. I listened to Yeezus when it first dropped and had to be talked off my roof. His brand is lessening, and it isn’t SOLELY because of how much he talks. No one is going to his shows, no one wants to hear the new stuff, and he needs a sharp return to form that doesn’t involve the interview tour. Kanye West, largely, has never been that interesting. He was MOST interesting in maybe 2004-2005. When you try and force the interesting, you do a disservice to all of us. 

R. Kelly goes without explaining. Can’t believe this mufucka had the nerve to release some shit called “Black Panties” and then ask twitter for a Q&A like the aforementioned Black Twitter wasn’t just waiting to have a field day on his ass for the past decade. I knew I was done with him when I deleted “I’ma Flirt” off the playlist, because that song is brilliant. That song really delivers a potent and palpable message. One on par with any sermon I’ve ever heard. I would go as far as to say that it wholly made me reevaluate every personal relationship I’ve ever had, but I deleted it because fuck R. Kelly and anybody who luv em.

4.) Upworthy Titles
 
I used to give a damn about inspirational videos on the internet. What happened next changed everything.

You will literally fall out of your chair and call your loved ones when you see how quickly this one man closes his browser tab.

You know the one about the site that baits in order to get page views with the lowest of low hanging fruit? We thought we did, but then THIS happened.

5.) People Calling For Selfies To Go Away.
 
I’m going to go in a vastly different direction here. People calling for selfies to go away have just never seen a majestic selfie. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have only turned my phone camera around to take a photo of my own face maybe two times in my entire life, HOWEVER, I don’t dislike a good selfie. People gotta celebrate themselves. Sure, I have scrolled past a few of those, “this is just me in a blurry mirror” selfies, as we all have, because you ain’t taking those for anyone but you, and that’s alright too. People calling for the end of selfies gotta get better people to follow on Instagram, and that’s that. Look, more often than not, I woke up like this. I don’t know what it’s like to spend 30 minutes getting ready, and walk by a mirror that demands your picture be taken, and no one else is around, but you are still there, and that picture still MUST be taken, otherwise who knows what kind of messed up karma you’re putting on your night? Shiiiiittttt take that picture. Flourish. Take a selfie in the taxi. Take a selfie outside a cardboard cutout of Nelly. Take a selfie in the club. I’m pretty sure that’s what Usher was hinting at with the song “Love In This Club”, if you ignore the explicit lyrics about sex in a bathroom stall. I consider myself an ally. Someone who isn’t really going to take a selfie, but someone who supports the taking of selfies. I’m adding that to the business cards in 2014. 


William:

My list of things that can have a gotdamn seat in 2014?

1.  Beatz by Alicia

First thing that needs to sit the fuck down in 2014 is Alicia Keys and generally anything else including the initials A.K.  That goes for the gun with the Banana Clip and mufuckas that be All Knowing (but not my homie Albert Kamara, what up brother, kiss the wife and kids for me).   I’m not gonna act like I was always sittin on a mountain, with a 12x scope aiming at Alicia’s career, I was a fan at one time.  I mean, outside of her initial talent, she changed the braid game for at least, like, 4 years.  Last time I fucked with anything she put together was about 5 minutes after “Heartburn” on the second album because I thought she was bringing the big band sound back.  Turns out, she was just had a moment of brilliance before lobotomizing herself for the rest of that album.  I mean, I was on board.  I once ended a relationship because my significant other sang Karma off key.  Kicked her all the way the fuck out.  But now, now every song sounds like it got put into a generic Alicia Keys song generator 9000 that is ultimately uninspiring and boring.  And ya know, bad.  Don’t even get me started with her non-syntax knowing ass on Empire State of Mind.  I’ll quote one Mahogany L. Browne and say, “what Alicia needs to do is stop fucking her producers and put out some decent music.”  Perhaps I should’ve started with that.

2.  ESPN hiring ex athletes as commentators.

Look, this is the least likely, but this is just fucking ridiculous now.  I get it.  No one is going to offer a more nuanced perspective than someone who played.  Sure.  And I’m definitely not asking for more cats that failed as athletes and wrote for a local newspaper in a town with a population of 2,700 people to get on TV and start yelling either.  But I think we’ve reached critical mass now.  What does ESPN really get out of having 56 ex football players on staff to commentate about a position they didn’t play?  Are cats really at home like, ya know what would make this segment better?  A retired football player that played safety, suffered an unimaginable amount of concussions telling me why Peyton Manning can’t throw more than 22 yards in the cold.  Cuz ya know, he wears glasses.  Who knew?  Get the fuck outta here man.  When Brian “take the head and the body will fall” Dawkins appeared on set talking about the integrity of the game, I felt it was a good time to catch up on some DVR.

3.  Period TV Shows

Yes.  You can blame Mad Men (though I would argue, in this era, Deadwood set the standard).  But now everybody wants the next “you won’t believe how cats got it in, in the 50s,” drama.  You know the common thread with most of the period pieces:  The lack of negroes.  It’s a win win for those that could give two shits about diversity in media.  You can claim authenticity because of the stories they’re telling of upper class white folks where darkies couldn’t play (ain’t nobody doing shows that take place in the Harlem Renaissance or the Reformation South, mind you).  



This is suburbs in TV man.  This is the space exploration so we can leave you cats on the dying planet type shit.  You Ain’t Got the Answers, TV execs.

4.  The assimilation of culture argument

Black Twitter, just hear me out.  Look, there are levels to this shit.  If we want to talk about the number of Jazz musicians that didn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame predominantly because their genius was robbed by other white musicians, I am all aboard for that argument.  If you mad cuz Miley paved the way for Twerking to get into Websters Dictionary…you missed me on that shit.  Look, I hate the “why we mad about Kardashian when people are dying in India” righteousness because it implies that intelligent human beings are incapable of focusing on two different things, HOWEVER, if we’re talking the specifics of an issue, like racism and the misplacement of black bodies in white spaces, then we got to get more focused than “they took twerking from us.”  Sorry.  Not really.  Be mad that Miley turned black women into snuff film accessories.  Be mad that her and Bieber can wear grills and hoodies and it be called a phase, but for black boys its probable cause.  But I’m not gonna get riled up over a form of dance that would give me a heart attack to see my daughter do.  Or for a form of dance that drew me to your friend back in the day which resulted in her never being introduced to the fam.  I’m sayin though.  

5.  The “you just don’t understand this terrible behavior, but I’m about to show you” counter-narrative post.

You hit on this with Kanye, but you know what I don’t need: cats trying to convince themselves of some shit they don’t believe in and placing a deeply flawed argument out there in hopes that the Huffington Post picks up their blog.  Ain’t nobody checkin for your Worldpress homie?  Ain’t nobody browsing Blogger.com thinkin, “I know someone out there is going to tell me that me and 97% of the general public are completely wrong about this thing with flimsy facts and illogical jumps.  Obviously, the counter-narrative is the life blood of editorials and some do them very, very well.  But just because every mufucka with DSL can click publish doesn’t mean that their shit should be shared on Facebook for “conversation starters.”  Especially when some of us have these conversations every damn day.  

williamevanswrites:

Hanif Abdurraqib & William Evans’ inaugural “I can / cannot fux wit dis” for the coming year.  Posted a couple of weeks late.  Cats is busy actin busy.

Hanif:



First off, let me say that the only reason I’m currently writing this right now is because it’s impossible to find a Playstation 4 in these streets. I’d have an easier time finding an Ani DiFranco fan who has a black friend as of 9:15 EST on this very evening. I’d have an easier time diving headfirst into Black Twitter with some Beyonce jokes. Shit is awful. Dude at GameStop looked at me like I walked up on his main squeeze at a segregated dance in the 50’s. I literally thought he was going to come around the counter and demand my fade before I got to the second syllable in the question. Gave me that “fuck outta here and go get you some limeade, dawg.” face. 

And so, here I am. On Ebay, trying to hustle up a gaming console, because my 80’s high school movie villain who somehow got a job at Gamestop told me that them joints aren’t getting back in stock until mid January, which hurt my soul in a way that I’ve only ever felt before when New Edition broke up.
Anyway, five things that I find myself looking forward to next year…



1.) A Vastly Improved, And More Tolerant Hip-Hop Climate.
I get it that people want to punch Macklemore in the face. There are things that are subjective, and then there’s just some real-ass facts. And maybe the realest of facts is that Macklemore has an incredibly punchable face.
But, that aside, I tend to think his biggest crime is just being relentlessly boring. In doing so, however, he opens up an interesting conversation about what the hell straight white dudes are supposed to rap about in order to obtain mainstream success if not murdering ex-girlfriends, taking as many drugs as possible, and committing hate crimes, even at age 40? The thing to remember, at least for me, is that hip-hop is, right now, more diverse than ever. IF we can ignore the horrible homophobia that still resides at the core of the genre. I think Kendrick wins an album of the year Grammy, and that is the bucket of water on the face for a lot of artists. I think Drake, who clearly currently thinks he’s actually from Memphis, stops singing. In an exchange, Chris Brown stops rapping (AND singing, maybe, but the Gods aren’t that kind.), Kanye West talks much, much, much less, and I think, potentially, we get a rapper from the LGBT community breaking big on the radio, with music so good that it HAS to get played on radio. That’s a lofty thing, I think. But I believe. 



2.) Black Twitter Lets Me Get A Seat Back At The Table, After A Somewhat Tumultuous 2013.
 
So it is possible that I got a little too reckless after Beyonce’s super bowl performance and went on a Twitter rant that was fairly unfavorable to Destiny’s Child, at best. And, after that, it is ALSO possible that I made some disparaging comments about the television show Scandal, starring one Kerry Washington, who has acting ability I was also unkind to. ALSO, Merely a month later, I may have served up a buffet-style slander meal directed entirely at that made for TV Temptations movie. Next thing I know, with the exception of a select few, my followers were out here looking like the front row of a Justin Timberlake concert (A concert I would gladly attend, mind you.) It didn’t help that in a complete lapse of judgement fueled by a Pawn Stars marathon, I defended Keri Hilson in the midst of the wolves tearing into what was left of her career. So, here I am. A man without a country. A tweeter, exiled by his own.
But things are looking up. I threw Beyonce on my 25 Best Albums of 2013 list. I stopped tweeting about Anne Hathaway. I think we’re healing. It’s a slow process. There’s a lot of unpacking to do.



3.) Game Of Thrones, The Newsroom.
 
GoT is, really, pretty obvious. What can I say about GoT that hasn’t been said about Anne Hathaway by me on Twitter? 
Newsroom, however, is a surprise here. I think Breaking Bad left a void. Last episode of Breaking Bad had me holding the TV and crying in a corner while rocking back and forth, wondering what was next. For like three weeks after, I was just wandering into people’s homes, at 9PM, asking them to tell me enticing stories about the drug underworld. To get through this, I gave myself over, skeptically, to The Newsroom. Season 2, though it failed in the first two episodes, REALLY went on a run of fantastic (and largely ignored) television from episodes 2-8. It left me excited for the prospect of a season 3, while also being extremely aware of the fact that Aaron Sorkin STAY wetting the bed once he gets past two seasons, because the shit happens so rarely for him. Sometimes, when Laura and I let the dog out, she chases after a squirrel. Comes close to catching one, every now and then. I ask, sometimes, “Hey, what would happen if she caught one of those squirrels?” And Laura always just says, “I don’t think she knows. She would just hold it. Maybe look at it. And then get bored and throw it down somewhere.”
So, in case I need to spell it out, that’s pretty much how Aaron Sorkin treats his television shows after season 2. He’s the guy who never EXPECTS to get past two seasons. And when he does, he ends up looking like every player on the court when the Lakers need a game winning shot. 
Terrified.



4.) Poems By People I Like
 
The last two are slightly more personal to me, but I think most of the things I look forward to tend to directly reflect how I can celebrate them. I’m excited to read the stuff coming from Hieu, Danez, Sam Sax, Nate Marshall, Franny, Etc. Etc. Etc. I also hear you may be close to completion on a manuscript, so, you know. I hear you write good things when you’re not mercilessly making good humor out of the misfortune of the world. All you need now is to convince Omar to get something going, while he’s motivated. Even if it’s just a book of poems about how much we are all so,so disappointed in J. Cole. Omar gotta release a book to the streets like Beyonce released that album. No promotion, just do that shit overnight, and do a visual video for each poem, except for maybe poems about dick pics, because youtube has content restrictions. I get excited when the people around me who I consider my direct peers/influences are excited about what they are putting out. So, in a way, we’re all pushing each other. Should be exciting.



5.) Oh, Yeah. I’m Getting Married.
At least if Lord is willing and the creek don’t rise. And by “creek don’t rise”, I mean “Laura don’t realize how bad of a situation she’s in once the post-PS4 era begins”. I’m not just including this here because Laura will likely read this, and read it while wondering why I haven’t unpacked my clothes from our roadtrip yet, and then say something like, “You had time to write Will all of these emails, but you got seven sweatshirts lining the gotdamn couch”, which I will have no response for, of course. Because it’s extremely true. I ain’t unpacked shit. May not have anything unpacked by the time other people read this. May just be living out my suitcase. May still have every pair of kicks I own sitting at the top of the steps like we don’t got a whole few flights of those things that a body could easily tumble down. Who knows. But even if I SOMEHOW manage to do all of those things, there is still a person who is like, “well…you’re still worth living with until we die.” Also, after signing on Scott Woods to officiate the wedding in southeast Ohio, I am overwhelmed with excitement. And also fear. And also joy. And also clothing and shoes spilling out of a suitcase and spreading all over our apartment floor. So, I should take care of that. 



William:



The good thing about getting a PS4 on launch night was getting a PS4.  The bad thing was listening to bad outtakes from a rejected comic-con panel where a cat wanted to justify the $15,000 his parents dropped on film school so he could say he met someone that met George RR Martin.  Once.  At like, a CVS.  Then again, my PS4 gets a lot more run then the $500 printer stand that is my Xbox One right now, so at least there’s that.  Beyond my daughter learning to say, “Xbox Go to Hell” through the voice commands, its been a little frustrating.  I say that to say, you’re on the right track as long as you show up to your craiglist seller with snacks and a copy of Dance of Dragons to barter with.


So, here’s the 5 things I fux wit in 2014.


1) Black Twitter The Franchise


You already mentioned it, so I’ll just roll with it.  Black Twitter is GAWD right now.  Judge, jury and social reputation executioner.  When it delivered the fade to Ani DiFranco, I knew Black Twitter wasn’t fuckin around.  There’s a legion of queer black girls under 30 that pressed send on a tweet about Ani of the Big House with real tears in their eyes. I mean, till it acknowledges that Beyonce is probably more a capitalist than anything else, then it hasn’t quite reached the Keyser Soze killing his own family level, but its a start.  Still, this is what activism looks like in 2014, from a smart phone while watching Youtube videos with the word ratchet in the title.  


2) Janelle Monae Rules the World


Look, if you told me that Janelle Monae was releasing a triple album with the ghost of Marley, I’d be like, “Aiight.”  If you told me she was going to play Robin in the new Superman / Batman flick and in said flick, she wasn’t rockin a traditional Robin costume but rather a costume based off the concept art from the ArchAndroid album cover, I’d be like, “Aiight.”  She can’t really do wrong for me right now.  Look, I know Black Twitter ain’t trying to hear this, but if listening to Janelle doesn’t make you realize that Beyonce is a symbol and icon, but Janelle’s music will be the one who’s sound stands for the next 20 years, then we need to start back at square one.  Because of her, I don’t really have to wonder what Erykah Badu was gonna do in this hallowed +10 years in the the soul / R&B game that some singers just don’t come back from because Janelle bout to be center stage anyway.  


3) Black people in roles because black people actually exist in the world, not because this role needs a black person


So, this may shock some, but let me make an admission:  I don’t hate Scandal.  Or rather, I don’t hate that Scandal exists.  Lets be clear, I ain’t fuckin with the viewing experience that is Scandal, I don’t do soap operas and over the top network melodrama like that anyway, especially when it is the new millennial Sally Hemmings where even the most powerful black woman in the nation is a side chick for the white president narrative, but I digress.  
Though I have plenty of fun at its expense, I do value that the show exists, especially because Black Women don’t get starring roles on big time TV shows, like, since ever.   This many black people haven’t watched network television since before Bill Cosby hated their existence and was putting up grocery bags to hide Phylicia Rashad’s pregnancy.  Now, network ain’t really my brand of of vodka, but this is actually a good thing.  Idris Elba is wanted for every popular male role that exists (even odds he’s the next Bond), Chiwetel had to play a slave for the world to recognize how insanely talented the brother is, but he’s now in the upper echelon of actors where we’ll see him in some more prominent roles.  Seriously, if I have to go another 5 years where Will Smith and Blair Underwood get all the mainstream roles in Movies and TV, I will hang myself with a belt and record it on a Spike Lee moving platform before uploading it to YouTube.


4)  Great TV to start the Year (Breaking Bad Spoilers)


Look, I’m a TV snob.  It is known Khaleesi.  Don’t bring your -ocre of Medi- in my direction when it comes to TV.  Having said that, the following shows either debut or come back in ‘14:  Justified, True Detective, Archer, Game of Thrones, The Americans, Community, Banshee, Parks and Rec, Shameless, Sherlock, House of Cards, Walking Dead, Hannibal and Orphan Black…and that’s just through April.  That’s the 2010-11 NBA Playoffs right there.  And if anyone is like, “Oh, I think Will forgot to mention ‘Girls’”…I didn’t.  But anyways, TV ain’t fuckin around this upcoming year.  Breaking Bad ruined some shit for people.  And everybody knows that.  We’ve seen this scenario play out in a dozen crime films before, where the undisputed leader is killed or retires and all at once, the underlings realized there’s a perfectly shiny throne with no one’s ass in it, just sitting there for the taking.  Well, its empty because Walter White got gut shot and bled out between about a million dollars worth of meth making supplies.  
Yeah, spoiler alert in retrospect.  And with half of these shows at their mid point, everybody knows that Breaking Bad had probably the best overall ending to a TV show ever.  Something about pressure and pipes or some shit fits here.  Cats can’t afford filler anymore and be considered great.  Vince Gilligan came by and spit in everyone’s salad on his way out the door, so I think everyone is gonna be on their A game this year.  


5)  This Fatherhood…shit


Here’s my personal one.  Amira is a Beast.  In the most flattering way I can say that about my daughter.  This woman, yes, told me the other day, “Daddy, I want to go to space so I have room to grow.”  She was talking about our basement.  She was also just born the same year that Prince William and Kate got married.  Metaphors, b?!?!  We already on metaphors?  I’ve said this many times, but it bears repeating: whenever I tell people how smart she is, its real flattering for people to answer back, well “Look at her parents” and that’s all gumdrops and shit, but no matter how smart you are, it doesn’t prepare you for raising a really smart child.  The learning curve is cut in half.  After refusing to take her outside in the cold, I caught Amira Hawkings putting on her shoes, coat, hat and scarf by the door 20 minutes later…with my car keys.  And we’re not blameless in all this.  We often just throw random phrases and clauses at her to see what sticks.  When Leah said “…until his bubble gets popped…” from a random conversation and Amira yells out “Pop and Lock!” before basically auditioning as a backup dancer in our living room, I knew we had gone too far.


So we started positive, but as always, there’s some shade to be had.  List of things that might get delivered the Fade in 2014?


Hanif:


Things that can be shown the door in 2014? This actually seems like it should be easy, but it wasn’t, because, to be frank, I DISLIKE SO MANY THINGS. And so many of those things were on display last year, mostly within the same week, sometimes within the same day. But I’ll try to limit myself here.


1.) Explaining Why Things Are Racist/Sexist/Etc. Etc. Etc.
 


I know this is an obvious steal, but that’s what you get when you let me go first on this shit. Same mistake made my many a rapper who gets bodied on their own track. But that’s alright, even Jay-Z has gotten washed a few good times by lesser peers. ANYWAY. Listen. People need to just stop doing it. I stopped in about June, and it has been freeing. Entirely freeing. I feel like I just finished a run outside on a 70 degree day. I feel like Kobe after Shaq left. I feel like Lauryn Hill at the end of Sister Act 2. ALL THE TIME. Why would my fellow people NOT want to feel like that? Why would people rather be out here in facebook comment threads posting links to Melissa Harris Perry thinkpieces to people who have no interest in actually educating themselves, as long as they can be told they aren’t “wrong”.? Why would my people want to have to think up new and creative/fresh answers to “But if you don’t explain this, how will I ever learn?” when they can be watching this fly-ass panda cam instead?
I don’t know. Y’all explain why Phil Robertson saying “I’m with the blacks because we’re white trash” is problematic if you want, but there’s too much simply limeade in this world. Too many brownies with all kinda wild ingredients these days. Too many different things to take a selfie in front of, at least in my world. I be moonwalking out of conversations on the daily. Sometimes even ones that I start. I may start a conversation, and clock out after the first comment on some “oh, if you need me I’ll be over here sleep” shit. Sometimes, as a person, you just gotta make choices.


2.) People Who Have No Understanding Of Freedom Of Speech.
I don’t understand it. At this point, I am genuinely and wildly confused by it. Here’s a serious thing. I knew that, even with my beliefs, and the faith I hold, the church was losing me a couple of years ago when people poured out from every corner of the U.S. to throw money at Chick-Fil-A in the name of “freedom of speech”. Here’s what I would have liked. I would have liked those people to say “Listen, we don’t want gays to get married, and this is how we’re protesting it.” If you want to pick and choose injustices to stand up for, fine. But if you can’t understand that when the bigots you ride for get backlash, it has nothing to do with people violating their freedom of speech, you gotta have an entire stadium’s worth of seats. You know why I don’t walk up in my boss’ office and recite the lyrics from “Straight Outta Compton”, verbatim?? It’s not because I can’t. I’m entirely free to. I could get up and do that right this very second if I didn’t love my job and having money to pay for things and the potential to be employed in the future. I don’t feel oppressed because I can’t unleash a string of obscenities at people in my workplace. I know that’s wild, but that is not an oppression I understand. I wonder if when this whole thing was drawn up, people thought that it would be THIS confusing, hundreds of years down the road. If they were like, “Nah, man, we should really maybe put the important stuff about this in bold so that we can cut down on arguments in comment sections in 2013” but then thought better of it. That has to be the case. That’s all I’ll believe. 


3.) Kanye West Doing Anything But Making Music That Doesn’t Suck, R. Kelly Doing Anything At All.


 
On Jay-Z’s birthday, every year, I watch the “Fade To Black” documentary. The doc about the recording of The Black Album. And there’s a clip with a VERY young Kanye West working on the beat to “Lucifer”, and I swear to Gawd it gets more heartbreaking every year. I hope people don’t one day look at old videos of me doing something I love and wonder, “Gotdamn…what happened to THAT guy???” Because the older me is just wearing all black and eating quinoa with my bare hands in some studio apartment in new york where I haven’t written a good poem in years. I want people to take this in. Kanye West sat in a radio station and screamed “YOU AIN’T GOT THE ANSWERS” at the top of his lungs. Repeatedly. This after shouting that he was Shakespeare, and then, randomly, “GOOGLE”. And, of course, we got 150,000 blog posts about the tortured black talent wanting a seat at the table, like that shit is new. Like Little Richard and Chuck Berry will ever get as much credit as the Stones, Beatles, Elvis, etc. Like we’re having discussions about how Motown revolutionized music production. Like Michael Jackson’s place in music history isn’t more spectacle than historical titan. (Seriously, next person you talk to from our generation, who MAY be a casual music fan. Ask them to name more than three songs off of Thriller.)
So, I get why Kanye West reacts to seeing this happen again with a kind of urgency. With a kind of “this can’t happen to ME!”, and I don’t think he’s crazy for doing that. I think he’s ridiculous because, regardless of what critics say,Yeezus sounded awful. That shit is depressing. I listened to Yeezus when it first dropped and had to be talked off my roof. His brand is lessening, and it isn’t SOLELY because of how much he talks. No one is going to his shows, no one wants to hear the new stuff, and he needs a sharp return to form that doesn’t involve the interview tour. Kanye West, largely, has never been that interesting. He was MOST interesting in maybe 2004-2005. When you try and force the interesting, you do a disservice to all of us. 
R. Kelly goes without explaining. Can’t believe this mufucka had the nerve to release some shit called “Black Panties” and then ask twitter for a Q&A like the aforementioned Black Twitter wasn’t just waiting to have a field day on his ass for the past decade. I knew I was done with him when I deleted “I’ma Flirt” off the playlist, because that song is brilliant. That song really delivers a potent and palpable message. One on par with any sermon I’ve ever heard. I would go as far as to say that it wholly made me reevaluate every personal relationship I’ve ever had, but I deleted it because fuck R. Kelly and anybody who luv em.


4.) Upworthy Titles
 


I used to give a damn about inspirational videos on the internet. What happened next changed everything.
You will literally fall out of your chair and call your loved ones when you see how quickly this one man closes his browser tab.
You know the one about the site that baits in order to get page views with the lowest of low hanging fruit? We thought we did, but then THIS happened.


5.) People Calling For Selfies To Go Away.


 
I’m going to go in a vastly different direction here. People calling for selfies to go away have just never seen a majestic selfie. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have only turned my phone camera around to take a photo of my own face maybe two times in my entire life, HOWEVER, I don’t dislike a good selfie. People gotta celebrate themselves. Sure, I have scrolled past a few of those, “this is just me in a blurry mirror” selfies, as we all have, because you ain’t taking those for anyone but you, and that’s alright too. People calling for the end of selfies gotta get better people to follow on Instagram, and that’s that. Look, more often than not, I woke up like this. I don’t know what it’s like to spend 30 minutes getting ready, and walk by a mirror that demands your picture be taken, and no one else is around, but you are still there, and that picture still MUST be taken, otherwise who knows what kind of messed up karma you’re putting on your night? Shiiiiittttt take that picture. Flourish. Take a selfie in the taxi. Take a selfie outside a cardboard cutout of Nelly. Take a selfie in the club. I’m pretty sure that’s what Usher was hinting at with the song “Love In This Club”, if you ignore the explicit lyrics about sex in a bathroom stall. I consider myself an ally. Someone who isn’t really going to take a selfie, but someone who supports the taking of selfies. I’m adding that to the business cards in 2014. 


William:


My list of things that can have a gotdamn seat in 2014?


1.  Beatz by Alicia


First thing that needs to sit the fuck down in 2014 is Alicia Keys and generally anything else including the initials A.K.  That goes for the gun with the Banana Clip and mufuckas that be All Knowing (but not my homie Albert Kamara, what up brother, kiss the wife and kids for me).   I’m not gonna act like I was always sittin on a mountain, with a 12x scope aiming at Alicia’s career, I was a fan at one time.  I mean, outside of her initial talent, she changed the braid game for at least, like, 4 years.  Last time I fucked with anything she put together was about 5 minutes after “Heartburn” on the second album because I thought she was bringing the big band sound back.  Turns out, she was just had a moment of brilliance before lobotomizing herself for the rest of that album.  I mean, I was on board.  I once ended a relationship because my significant other sang Karma off key.  Kicked her all the way the fuck out.  But now, now every song sounds like it got put into a generic Alicia Keys song generator 9000 that is ultimately uninspiring and boring.  And ya know, bad.  Don’t even get me started with her non-syntax knowing ass on Empire State of Mind.  I’ll quote one Mahogany L. Browne and say, “what Alicia needs to do is stop fucking her producers and put out some decent music.”  Perhaps I should’ve started with that.


2.  ESPN hiring ex athletes as commentators.


Look, this is the least likely, but this is just fucking ridiculous now.  I get it.  No one is going to offer a more nuanced perspective than someone who played.  Sure.  And I’m definitely not asking for more cats that failed as athletes and wrote for a local newspaper in a town with a population of 2,700 people to get on TV and start yelling either.  But I think we’ve reached critical mass now.  What does ESPN really get out of having 56 ex football players on staff to commentate about a position they didn’t play?  Are cats really at home like, ya know what would make this segment better?  A retired football player that played safety, suffered an unimaginable amount of concussions telling me why Peyton Manning can’t throw more than 22 yards in the cold.  Cuz ya know, he wears glasses.  Who knew?  Get the fuck outta here man.  When Brian “take the head and the body will fall” Dawkins appeared on set talking about the integrity of the game, I felt it was a good time to catch up on some DVR.


3.  Period TV Shows


Yes.  You can blame Mad Men (though I would argue, in this era, Deadwood set the standard).  But now everybody wants the next “you won’t believe how cats got it in, in the 50s,” drama.  You know the common thread with most of the period pieces:  The lack of negroes.  It’s a win win for those that could give two shits about diversity in media.  You can claim authenticity because of the stories they’re telling of upper class white folks where darkies couldn’t play (ain’t nobody doing shows that take place in the Harlem Renaissance or the Reformation South, mind you).  
AMC, can we get a pilot, bruh?
This is suburbs in TV man.  This is the space exploration so we can leave you cats on the dying planet type shit.  You Ain’t Got the Answers, TV execs.


4.  The assimilation of culture argument


Black Twitter, just hear me out.  Look, there are levels to this shit.  If we want to talk about the number of Jazz musicians that didn’t get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame predominantly because their genius was robbed by other white musicians, I am all aboard for that argument.  If you mad cuz Miley paved the way for Twerking to get into Websters Dictionary…you missed me on that shit.  Look, I hate the “why we mad about Kardashian when people are dying in India” righteousness because it implies that intelligent human beings are incapable of focusing on two different things, HOWEVER, if we’re talking the specifics of an issue, like racism and the misplacement of black bodies in white spaces, then we got to get more focused than “they took twerking from us.”  Sorry.  Not really.  Be mad that Miley turned black women into snuff film accessories.  Be mad that her and Bieber can wear grills and hoodies and it be called a phase, but for black boys its probable cause.  But I’m not gonna get riled up over a form of dance that would give me a heart attack to see my daughter do.  Or for a form of dance that drew me to your friend back in the day which resulted in her never being introduced to the fam.  I’m sayin though.  


5.  The “you just don’t understand this terrible behavior, but I’m about to show you” counter-narrative post.


You hit on this with Kanye, but you know what I don’t need: cats trying to convince themselves of some shit they don’t believe in and placing a deeply flawed argument out there in hopes that the Huffington Post picks up their blog.  Ain’t nobody checkin for your Worldpress homie?  Ain’t nobody browsing Blogger.com thinkin, “I know someone out there is going to tell me that me and 97% of the general public are completely wrong about this thing with flimsy facts and illogical jumps.  Obviously, the counter-narrative is the life blood of editorials and some do them very, very well.  But just because every mufucka with DSL can click publish doesn’t mean that their shit should be shared on Facebook for “conversation starters.”  Especially when some of us have these conversations every damn day.  

January 16 2014, 1am


thepoeticrebel:

simchiller:

they outlawed this move just because she was the only woman who could do it. 
Surya Bonaly was infamous for (among other things) doing aone blade backflip in the 1998 Olympics, and is the ONLY figure skater who’s ever pulled that off. Not just the only woman, the only figure skater PERIOD. There’s like all ofthree Olympic-class male skaters who did backflips in their routines, and NONE of them could do it one blade.
But wait, there’s more.
Backflips were banned from the 1976 Olympics onward on the official justification that skating jumps are supposed to be landed on one blade, whereas backflips are landed on both blades. The unofficial justification was it was too dangerous, both to the athlete and to the rink — if you didn’t land it perfectly, you could not only break your ankle, but also punch THROUGH the ice surface.
Surya Bonaly was openly contemptuous of the figure skating judges, because they were a bunch of openly racist white men who always screwed her over by giving her lower scores than she deserved. That one-blade backflip was her ultimate FUCK YOU! to the Olympics judges, because she took an “illegal” backflip and made it legal by landing it on one blade. Pretty much DARING them to mark her down for being epic awesome and pulling a move that their precious coddled white girls didn’t have the guts to even think about.
They did, of course. White racism knows no bounds. But she utterly owned them with that move.
not only did she do a fucking backflip and land, she landed then went right into a triple loop. like holy fuck

Damn son I ain’t seen shit like that.

thepoeticrebel:

simchiller:

they outlawed this move just because she was the only woman who could do it. 

Surya Bonaly was infamous for (among other things) doing aone blade backflip in the 1998 Olympics, and is the ONLY figure skater who’s ever pulled that off. Not just the only woman, the only figure skater PERIOD. There’s like all ofthree Olympic-class male skaters who did backflips in their routines, and NONE of them could do it one blade.

But wait, there’s more.

Backflips were banned from the 1976 Olympics onward on the official justification that skating jumps are supposed to be landed on one blade, whereas backflips are landed on both blades. The unofficial justification was it was too dangerous, both to the athlete and to the rink — if you didn’t land it perfectly, you could not only break your ankle, but also punch THROUGH the ice surface.

Surya Bonaly was openly contemptuous of the figure skating judges, because they were a bunch of openly racist white men who always screwed her over by giving her lower scores than she deserved. That one-blade backflip was her ultimate FUCK YOU! to the Olympics judges, because she took an “illegal” backflip and made it legal by landing it on one blade. Pretty much DARING them to mark her down for being epic awesome and pulling a move that their precious coddled white girls didn’t have the guts to even think about.

They did, of course. White racism knows no bounds. But she utterly owned them with that move.

not only did she do a fucking backflip and land, she landed then went right into a triple loop. like holy fuck

Damn son I ain’t seen shit like that.


January 16 2014, 12am


the-uncensored-she:

youtharethefuture:

MLK #EconomicViolence

Today is Dr. King Jr’s birthday. Read the speeches and quotes by him that white people don’t want you to read and don’t want you to know. He was NOT a white moderate, a white hippie or a white conservative. He was a revolutionary, that’s why they murdered him. RIP.

the-uncensored-she:

youtharethefuture:

MLK #EconomicViolence

Today is Dr. King Jr’s birthday. Read the speeches and quotes by him that white people don’t want you to read and don’t want you to know. He was NOT a white moderate, a white hippie or a white conservative. He was a revolutionary, that’s why they murdered him. RIP.

January 15 2014, 12am


vagabondbroe:

everytime u see a nigga

stunt nigga